It's painful, but I'm thankful.

I plunged in grief over the news that my grandmother has recently passed away. 
I was angry at myself for not being able to be there when she was ill, not even the moment when she fell into her deepest sleep.
I was so busy with exams and assignments, that I even missed the notification of her death until her funeral is over. 
I cried so hard, looking at the last family portrait. I wasn't there. 

We weren't close when she was still alive. I am not her favourite grandchild. And so I thought I wouldn't be that sad after all. I'm wrong. SO WRONG. I still love her despite all the disagreements we had. 

Putting all the pain aside, I am thankful that her pain ended quickly and I am thankful that she found peace and where she belong at her very last moment. 


I am grateful to have my family who love and understand me. They chose not to tell me the news, knowing that I was having my exams. They said sorry for not notifying me, but I know they did it out of love.

And I guess I am a fortunate girl. Angel came, helping me through this tough time. 
A friend asked me for help to look at his assignments scripts. Though it was unintended, the positive messages in the scripts he wrote made me feel a little better. And so when I thought I am making someone else a favour, I am actually making myself a favour. 

Pain may be unavoidable, but I would face it more positively. I am still in grief but I won't let it be my excuse to stop working harder. 

-KY-